Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
