not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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