READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
