So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
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After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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