please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
