He disabled his match.com account in front of me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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