I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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