you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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