Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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