White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
