Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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