Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
