youre lurking in front of me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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