My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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