apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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