yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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