just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
