OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Randomize
