the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
