so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this beer tastes like vomit already
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
