Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize