so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
