you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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