Umm I'm too high to move.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
