Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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