Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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