dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
