he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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