I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
