i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You ruined the universe
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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