My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
