don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.