apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi