Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.