How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.