I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
