i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
