Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
