I puked a lego.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
