I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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