their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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