oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
