And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love you.
Bad choice
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
