Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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