theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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