we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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