i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
