I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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