the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
