I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize