You really coming over, don't trick.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
