Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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