oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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