I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
