who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
