And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
