When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
