I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
