This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found puke in my bra..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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