And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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