We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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