I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
