Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
