did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
