i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
