Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
